Waxtober 2

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A bit of an odd waxing today… I looked at the pink and green colours associated with the heart chakra and didn’t really feel hippy dippy full of love. The swathes and bands of green reminded me of malachite and I got flashbacks to carrying the stone years ago and memories of trying to disentangle from a situation that a saner person would most probably never have gotten themselves into. At the time it was a lengthy drawn out process of trying to avoid a conflict. The conflict wasn’t avoided it was only delayed… I guess I knew from the off that it was inevitable but sometimes naive optimism gets the better of me and I convince myself that things will be fine…

I’d seen a whole series of situations, where this one person had major rows with person after person. I knew eventually that I’d be next…

I looked back to the wax image… Hmm… Usually I see something more tangible in there… The shapes weren’t really speaking to me, until I turned it 180°. I laughed a little as I instantly saw the head of a Shar Pei… Words echoed through from the past… Vivid recalls of the many times I’d heard that person say – Everyone who walks out on me comes crawling back within a year, with their tail between their legs…

It’s 9+ years on… I never went back. When I left, I left in no uncertain terms… The person shocked by the flash of temper they didn’t realise that I had. An interesting thing about Shar Peis is that they’re very loyal until provoked and then their breeding as a fighting dog comes out… I guess I have a touch of that in me…

I look back to those heart chakra pinks and greens… Self-love and unconditional love for others… Hmmm… I’m still not feeling the hippy dippy full of love vibe. Maybe sometimes Self-love is slamming the door hard on the way out and unconditional love for others is staying well away and not going back to burn their premises down…

I ask myself – What do I need to learn from this? A quote floats into mind…

When people show you who they are, believe them the first time!

Maya Angelou

I’d like to say I learnt that lesson back then but I still shoot myself in the foot now and then with my eternal optimism… Note to self – When someone habitually flakes out then returns apologising for being a lame friend but then never actually does anything about being a lame friend…Break that loop. Accept they are a lame friend and jog on…