As anybody who has sat with me for any length of time will know… I spend a lot of time contemplating anger… It interests me greatly… it takes so many shapes and forms and I’m a free flow kind of expressive sort of motor mouth… and I vent in a pretty valveless fashion…
So… this morning I was pondering to myself that I’d like to chit chat about this and hear other people’s thoughts… so I decided to misuse my fb page and instead of rolling around in cat pictures, I’d pose a question and see who came out to play…
I asked…
Little help here… How many types of anger do you think that there are?
How easily identifiable are these types of anger?
For example – explosive anger is red hot and immediately apparent… passive-aggression sits in deep freeze and seeps in less obvious ways…
What types of anger do you encounter in daily life?
A good question don’t you think? I do… it certainly pulled out some of my wittiest and wisest eBuddies who shared their stories with me… and thus resurfaced one of mine…
I found myself typing…
I find covert anger an interesting one… I knew someone who sat for 6 months claiming all was good and then all of a sudden exploded like a tube of mentos dropped in coca cola…
And now I can just about laugh about this… this time last year was prior to the blow up but certainly the bottling had been in place a while…
It reminded me that the lessons learnt hardest are the ones we should remember…
I now laughingly refer to a big chunk of 2014 as the Summer of The Undelivered Deck…
So this particular chapter of my story started at the end of April… though start dates really are for storytelling purposes only as stories require a starting point… the actual start would have been long before the characters even knew each other existed…
They always tell you don’t they that business and pleasure do not mix… so I guess the odds were stacked but some gambles you are willing to take… and until your trust is broken then you give it freely on face value… and so I placed my money into the hands of one who as it transpired could not handle his own coin…
The promised delivery date came and went and nothing arrived…
Don’t worry! The deck will be in the post today!
On and on until August when instead of excuses… a confession of robbing Peter to pay Paul…. but… don’t worry! Your deck will be in the post later today!
Still no joy…
Ok boy! where’s my stuff?
eSilence…
Hello…
Helloooooooooo..
JEEZ!!!!! WHY CAN’T YOU RESPECT MY SPACE!!! YOU KNOW I HAVE WORK TO DO!!!
Yeah… will that work involve passing the post box anytime soon…
eSilence…
Until the day of the big blow up!!! and the blocking!!! and the bollocking for the barbed and poisonous comments that would no longer be tolerated!!! I can’t tolerate your anger any longer!!!
At the time I was WTF??
Now with hindsight I recognise it as passive-aggressive anger… indignation at the anger they had caused by not doing what they had agreed to…
But at the time… I found it to be disproportionately painful… surging feelings of devastation swept over me… and pain seared deep… and I’ve pushed 4 kids through my nethers and the one thing I know about pain is, if you want it to pass quickly and ease… then you have to let your self sink deep into it and breathe…
And I sank…and I sank… and then I sank some more and bit by bit began to piece together very many things over my life time… things that had been and gone whilst I wore a brave face and pretended that they had not hurt… and I grieved for things that had been left ungrieved and then my anger began to surge… And at first that anger felt scary… but then it felt good and life affirming and something that could be focused and steered into creating…
My life force… pulsing…
Why bother with orders from the man who would be king when I could be the girl who was her own Emperor…
And I felt the full return of my blithe spirit…
So…
Blessed are the asshats!
They reconnect us to our inherent mirth!
And THAT is worth more than any bloody deck!
😀
The pure and blessed way 
Rock on, Karen! Great synopsis of the anger thing. Been guilty of the simmering business myself (had a father who yelled a lot) in order to avoid confrontation. And sometimes calculated confrontation is best, and sometimes (especially with very capable narcissists) walking away is best.
Also, I have been stiffed on a deck delivery myself, with accompanying excuses. I walked away. $30 was too small of a loss to endure drama for.
I really loved the comparison of handling labor pain with dealing with emotional pain. That works!
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Thanks Joanne!
Anger is complex… Lol I had the sort of upbringing where there was not that much fun in the dysfunctional… The more I speak to different people, the more I get the impression that very few people are brought up in an environment that allows them to explore their anger and how they express it…
Avoiding confrontation is I think an option that too often gets taken. Confrontation is terrifying if you’ve been told that all anger is bad…
I’m very interested in looking at the healing power of anger and how you focus that as personal power…
Yeah… the labour thing… child number one…. long stressful labour and I did have OBE several times trying to escape! By number four… then I finally get an old midwife who holds the secret… Drop your shoulders love.. let them drop… you can’t breathe properly and when you don’t breathe properly you hold the pain… I forced my shoulders down and almost instantly felt pain disperse… very swift labour and back home for tea in no time! 😀
Hahahaha!!! Being striffed for decks… tell me…is there one person in this biz who hasn’t been stiffed at some point! Lol gotta love those stiffers… my stiffer taught me very many things that I am and always will be fondly thankful for 🙂
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Re: labor pains and shoulders: ah-ha! Should have known there was a trick, and of course the medical establishment wouldn’t have a clue, just a good midwife. I shall try the shoulder thing when things get stressful around here. 🙂
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Yes… Try the shoulder thing, it is very helpful and once you’ve noted it, you’ll be may surprised at how often you find your shoulders up around your ears! Lol 😀
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