Lifting, Grifting, Sifting…

Well… It had to happen it didn’t it? I knew it would… I just didn’t expect it quite so quickly. The lesson I’ve repeatedly flunked in life is the one about being careful as to what you joke about. For other people it’s be careful of what you wish for. I don’t make wishes… So I guess the cosmos grabs my jokes instead… Though yesterday, it was Mr S that made the joke. Sat in the car, he laughed and commented on how funny it was that for the first time in our 30 years together, everything was on track and running smoothly… I didn’t answer, just silently thought that he should keep his voice down… He continued to talk… Oh, you just watch everything go wrong now… I smelt the jinx genie hovering…

Within a few hours, I’d been scammed on eBay, he’d had his pushbike stolen, daughter’s crazy stalker reappeared and to top it off, I commented that all this was exhausting… The jinx genie struck again and the exhaust on my car blew… Great!

eBay… Not a big deal, the loss of a few quid that could have been better spent elsewhere. The perversely annoying element is that if I decide to chase this then I’m going to be a living embodiment of the overused meme – Hello, I’m Karen, can I speak to a manager… Oh ffs! Keep the money! I’ll keep my sanity… Life’s too short to sit on hold whilst customer service operatives sigh oh… Great… Another one… Everyone’s a bloody Karen these days!

The lifting of the pushbike is baffling… Taken from the back garden whilst house is full, doors are open, next door neighbour permanently stood chuffing fags on her doorstep and no one sees or hears anything… My new bike remains untouched. I’d been cursing my girly bike on Sunday as it’s a bastard to get it to go up the hills I want it to and challenging to go off track with it but now I guess these are all plus points as the ninja nabber didn’t want to grab a ride that’s probably best suited to a 1950’s community midwife. It’s too uncool to steal 🤣Result!

Mr S is m’eh about the loss… How can you get upset about the loss of something you found for free anyway? Plus, his old bike is still there as there’s been no way to dump it. It’ll last until payday…

Daughter’s stalker… A time consuming sift through multiple social media streams, blocking all the sockpuppet accounts he’s created to pester her… Followed by me sending a curt DM to him to cease and desist. Being as I know his mother and where they live, I’m hoping that will knock things on the head… Maybe I should wish or make a joke? That would definitely fix it!

The car… Well, I guess that serves me right for buying a motor purely on the strength of the colour matches my sunglasses! Yes, I bought a bimbo mobile and so got took for a bimbo… Though I don’t really care as I did get a ludicrous discount, the numbers kept falling as I chatted away… The guy even gave me back some cash after I paid, to get some petrol, because somehow or another in conversation we discovered that I used to work in casinos with one of his best punters… I did kind of come away thinking that, maybe there was something wrong with it and he’d dropped the price repeatedly because he warmed to my general chitchat and felt guilty? I dunno? I’m not really a haggler so I did wonder about the big price drop… Big enough to pay for whole exhaust system to be replaced. But then again, if I have been stung then I don’t really care as I do feel disproportionately happy and elated, everytime I’m behind the wheel and catch a glimpse of the metallic blue paint job. I’m not sure you can really put a price on that?

I left the car up on stilts and walked home… I’ve not much breathed in fresh air since lockdown began, mostly I go from door to car or car to door… This morning I’m out long enough to really smell the world… It stinks of dog piss and weed. I may be passively stoned before I get home… It’s good to be moving limbs, hitting loping beats… I pine for the swimming pool. The heavens open and I take a good soaking and a vertical swim… I smile, feeling that in the grand scheme of things, luck is still very much on my side after all 🍀😊

ETA. I got the phone call to collect the car when I was mid-writing this post. I decided to finish and wait for the rain to stop and then head off. I pay and the mechanic described the bodge job that had been done to fake pass the MOT. In walks the guy, I bought my car from.

Hey up Karen! What are you doing here?

New exhaust…

He’s genuinely surprised. What?! Which part?

Mechanic steps in… All of it, the whole lot.

Seller is stunned. Asks me if I want my old focus back that he took as part-exchange. Nope! I’m good thanks 🤣 We both laugh it off with an oh well it’s good now for a few years. He says Hey! I’ve got something for you, I’ve got you a new radio control for the steering column, nip in next week, I’ll sort it for you.

The mechanics tells him my key fob is falling to bits. Personally it doesn’t bother me too much as I know the exact spot to hold it to keep it all together… But the guys are feeling helpful so they ring another guy, fix up a good deal for me and give me his number to go sort it. See! I knew my luck was still with me. My only problem now is how I’m going to manage to blow next week’s lotto win in one go! (Note to self, not gonna happen as you never buy a ticket… Though wouldn’t it be really funny if I found one… 🤣)

13 thoughts on “Lifting, Grifting, Sifting…

  1. I am SO glad can bitch bitch bitch RANTRA level and AREN’T a Crisis Monger. Love it. Why buy a ticket, might find one. Well, now you certainly will. It reminds me of planning to a date. Happens sometimes that the planning was dead-on, though mostly doesn’t. Not a failure. Not a “pfft leave it up the the Fates.” It’s… I KNOW it’s not going to go that wayI planned directly TO there. Though, my comfortability with process and the not-knowing, and that Nature’ll kill ya? Yup. And, when I’m on the ice, the Fates see me square up my shoulders and… “nudge” them into the blue line wall. Helmets shattering glass, and, “Ok, Mr. Hoggard, we’ll take that under advisement.”

    I’m glad you don’t roll with the punches and fliudly also “nudge” back. Good stuff. That the seller walked in and got an earful from your mechanic? Priceless. As priceless as The Tarot Mechanic 🙂 :

    Thanks for playing the “storms make oaks take deeper roots” game, and “Trees with strong roots have no fear of intense storms. It’s just weather.” I appreciate your wits. Heck, even when you get knocked in the head, when you get up.. world be ready! Here comes some wisdom that will ALSO be hilarious.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. no mis=read. Dates being those times assigned to planned things… and then no… lol YES. Could be those, too. 🙂 I dafuqin love healthy ambiguity and puns, especially when they weren’t anything other than unconsciously intentional… messages towards growth. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, though it’s important, especially for THAT deck to get in the shit. It’s excellent that way. Nothing behind glass is really sacred. It’s hermetically sealed and suffocating. 🙂

        I bet that deck is SO at home in his grubby hands finding full-on lifeful place. The actor’s and the mechanic.

        It’s not like he used his greasy hands on Mystereum. Let’s get our priorities straight shall we? LMAO. 🙂 Heck, M LOVES grease towards seamless segues to get out of stuck points.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The seller walking in at that exact moment was priceless! I’m about 48% certain that my whole life is a hidden camera comedy show…
    LOL planning dates! Dates going off plan now that’s a lightning fast way to check out how someone reacts and so dodge a shit storm at a later date 🤣🤣🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Excellently YES! Seamless segues and effortless influence and fluid fluencies and not addressing every barking dog that comes down the lane. Just good sense within heathy boundaries consciously and now unconsciously put in place………. “Train until the mind forgets and the body remembers.” That’s when the good stuff really comes along from my perspective.

      Plus, back to Churchill. Yeah, there’s been all this bullshit this-n-that about this or that when different people lately spin him… and, I bet the lot of it is TRUE Most likely ALL of it. COOL!!!!! How ’bout we get it straight? He drank enough to kill a fish, and lived well. Check. And, one of his interviews for staff? His PA After? “Mr. Churchill, shall we hire him on. He seemed like a nice chap?” “What? Certainly not. Nice chap? Did you hear him respond to my question about his vices? He said he had none. Either he’s a liar or THAT boring. Not fit for my staff. That would be hiring a liability. People blind to their insides are NOT nice chaps.”

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol abso-fucking-lutely! I’ve just remembered doing an interview for a much better paid driving job. The first part was panel and questions and then I sat a driving test. As I’m doing the driving test, I’m recapping the Qs and thinking the job is going to be more hassle than it’s worth and I didn’t want it. So I start random rambling to the driving test guy, thinking he’ll pin me as a nutter. I finish the test. He asks me what my worst habit is? Hmmm… I talk too much… He looks horrified, and I say.. Oh… My driving? Yeah, I ride the clutch and don’t use the handbrake. He goes into pompous lecture about that. I say oh cool, so I’ve failed the test? No, I’ve still passed the test. Then he remembers he forgot to check my eyesight. I read the plate and he says it’s correct. I say – blimey, that’s amazing given how fucking drunk I am right now 🤣

        Liked by 1 person

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