This morning (technically yesterday morning but I’ve not been to bed yet so on KST yesterday is still to happen) my favourite teacup bit the dust. I have no idea how it happened. It had been sat minding its own business on my desk. Mr S, always the first up had gone to make me a brew and then broke the news to me that my cup had sprung a hole and pissed out tea all over his leg. What? Cups don’t spring holes? Don’t you mean it’s cracked? Nope, not a crack in sight, just a tiny hole looking like maybe a bad tempered shoe maker’s elf had popped by and staged some kind of protest in the night and taken a teeny weeny drill to my bone china. Mr S went to bin it, I weary sighed and no! Stop! It’s not going in the bin, I’ll repurpose it. He recovers it from the bin as he knows how much I like to reincarnate broken objects into new lives and purposes…
I was on the point of heading to bed when I started thinking about how I’m not going to be having a brew in the morning… There are lots of mugs in the house but it’s not the same… I know I can’t replace the cup I had as I previously went to buy a spare and they’d discontinued the style. I flick through Amazon… Nope nope nope… Fuck it! I’ll never find another cup I’ll love the same!
I glance across the room and spot a box… I laugh! Oh! I know what’s in there…
That’s a cup that sparked a blazing row! A few years back, I had a glass and metal teapot, that I used to fill with loose leaf fruit tea. I had a cup to match… The cup got smashed. Mr S heading into town asked me if I wanted anything bringing back. Ah! Yeah! A cup to match my pot!
He came back proud as punch. I was a complete ingrate, my sensibilities utterly offended… Wtf?! How tf does that match my pot? Why tf did you think I’d like that twee flowery girly girly old lady cup? Who tf are you? Have we even met?
He had taken 2 of the kids with him and little did I know that they’d had lengthy search and a group decision on This! This is the perfect cup! Daughter filled me in on the details and told me what a hideous monster I was… Mr S chimed in, honestly, I thought you’d really love it! I really like it! Son who had stayed at home chimed in, see Dad, this is why you’re rubbish at shopping! You buy stuff you like and then expect everyone else to like it too! You’re supposed to think about what the other person likes!
Mr S snubs son and speaks directly to me – but it’s got a really good box! I know you can’t resist a good box. Go on, tell me you hate the box. OK, it’s true, it is a good box, it’s a very fine box indeed but I’m not admitting that… No, instead, I bypass that question and throw back at him – But I didn’t ask you to get a box! I asked you to get a glass and metal cup! This is not even close!
Give it back! I’ll have it!
No! It’s mine!
But you’re not going to use it!
So what? It’s mine! That’s up to me! It can go in my museum of crap presents next to the electric tin opener you bought me for our wedding anniversary!
That was a bloody good tin opener! It had an excellent knife sharpener on the back!
First off, why would I want a bloody tin opener when the only tins we buy have ring pull openings?? Secondly, why on earth did you think I’d want a knife sharpener? Thirdly and this is your biggest error, you didn’t even wrap it up!
But you’re the one who’s good at wrapping…
Jesus fucking Christ man! Stop! Just stop! Oh my lord, nothing says romance better than a crumpled carrier bag with an electric tin opener inside!
Don’t forget the knife sharpener!
What is it with you and that bloody knife sharpener?
I want to make sure it’s a clean cut should you ever lose your mind and stab me!
Fetch me the sharpener! I’m beginning to understand why when women stab men they do it 26 times!
Do it! Stab me 26 times! That’d be perfect!
Yeah… You standing covered in blood, me laying on the floor… Police officer arriving. Me saying go easy on her, I’ve got OCD. She only wanted to stab me once but I insisted she kept going to 26!
I’m not going to stab you, you’re too funny!
Give me the cup!
No! It’s mine!
Why are putting it in the bookcase?
I don’t want to break it. I might like it when I’m 90!
Anyway… Today I dig it out and I still don’t like it. Now, I smile and think how clever Mr S is to buy back then, the perfect gift for me now and I love my new cup. Much more than that old one.