Two Old BJ Queens, Down at The Donkey, Dealing Darkana…

So… there I am Friday evening, sitting down at The Donkey and I’m all set up with my cards ready for a stint of speed reading, when a woman walks into the bar…

And before I know it, I’m up on my feet and we are jigging in a bear hug and whooping and hollering WAY-HEY!!!!!! loud enough to drown out the live band running through warm ups and sound checks…

So… It’s an old friend that I’ve not seen face to face for 12 years, but the 12 years before that, we worked together every unsociable hour imaginable, down in the pit of despair otherwise known as Stanley’s Casino. She calls over her friend and says to her –

Here! Meet the Elbow! This is who I was telling you about…

I says – The Elbow? WTF are you talking about?

She makes a chicken wing at me and says… Oh… Come ON…. you…. the elbow…. you know…. Remember that enormous angry punter you nudged and he landed on his ass?

Oh….. OK…. THAT elbow 😀

And soon we are laughing and joking about old times and we are not short of funny tales as you have to make your own entertainment when you work in Casinos, as you are dealing with pricks 24/7, on both sides of the table and if you don’t develop a sense of humour and some snappy put downs pretty quick, you soon go under… Most croupiers quit within the first year… in fact I’ve seen quite a few quit within the first week… It’s the only job I know, where you get a long service award for sticking it out for five years, which just about says it all really.

So… she says to me -OK Bitch! DO ME!!! Take me on your table and give it to me hard!!! Bwhahahaha!!

So… we sit down and I have a few decks out… but… I already know which one she’ll go for and she doesn’t disappoint me…

What’s your weapon of choice Momma?

That one!! and she picks up Darkana and asks why me why I’m laughing… I says to her… Oh… you’ll soon see 😀

And then my little tarot heart is filled with glee… In fact it is fit to burst!

I pretty much start each reading by fixing my victim with a beady eye and asking – Can you shuffle? Are you sure? Because I will punch you in the face if you bend my cards…

But today that question is not required -I’m dealing with a Black Jack Queen!

I says to her – Baby! Throw those cards like a PRO and hit me with your question…

Ok… she says… Right… What I want to know is blah de blah de blah… and she talks away looking me in the eye and never once does she look down at those cards and her hands dance and whirl those cards through shemmy, shuffle, riffle, strip, riffle, strip, riffle.. CUT!

She delivers them into the middle of the table with – Over to you! DEAL! HIT ME!

So… Down they land…

And I’m not going to go into the meat and bones of her reading… but we laughed so loud at the jokes the cards laid down for us… She pointed at The Magician – OMFG! It’s a Black Jack dealer!

Yeah… that’s the past…

She says… It bloody well is! They’ve just made me redundant!

And we worked our way around the spread and then I flipped to the bottom of the deck:

I said to her – there’s a lot of sneaking about and underhanded stuff going on around you…

She says HA! you think I don’t know…? Cummon… you’ve got croupier blood in your veins, you know as well as I do, that nothing gets past an old dealer… You can’t play a player 😀

That’s true my friend, that’s true indeed… But I wonder what type of person thinks they can get one past the dealer’s eye…?

HE-HAAAAAAW!!!!

A  JACK ASS!!!

So… How does a Badass deal with a Jackass?

Well…

Let’s ask badass BA Baracas…

I PITY THE FOOL!

😀

You gotta love a deck with a sense of humour

😀