Who do Voodoo…

I guess most people would find it strange or bizarre or slightly worrying… I found it interesting in that bored sigh kind of way that a lifetime of living through oddness and oddities tends to bestow upon you… Other people’s weird is my daily norm.

Mr S called to me “Hey, there’s a parcel here buried under junk mail. Did you order something?”

“Hmmm… No… I don’t think so, but maybe? Where’s it from?”

“Dunno?”

“What’s it feel like?”

“Hmmm… Kinda light? Here…”

He tosses the gray plastic package in my direction and I catch it… It is much lighter than it looks… I turn it over in my hands… No return address… No postmark I recognise… No company logo… Nothing to distinguish its identity… Nothing that prompts a flashback to late night impulse online purchases…

I wonder what it is… I squeeze it… It squished under my touch… I hear words… Disembodied words coming from behind my right ear… Diagonally out about 4 inches from my head… “Someone’s shouting their mouth off about you…”

Eh? What? I bring my focus back to the package… Oh for crying out loud, this is a riddle easily solved.. Just open the envelope… I tear at it and it yields and spills its innards… The red stitched up mouth directs itself towards me…

Mr S, curiosity getting the better of him, peers over my shoulder… “Oh! Who’s sending you Voodoo dolls?”

I shake out the envelope… Tissue paper falls away… I turn the wrapper inside out… Nothing… No clue… No name… No return address… Nothing…

Mr S asks me “Are you not concerned by that?”

I pause briefly to consider and decide no, I’m not concerned… The Voodoo doll feels warm and friendly… As though it’s been sent as protection… I place it 2nd shelf down inside my tallest bookcase. It looks happy sat between stacks of mini-decks in tins and Mucky Morph… And I kind of forget about it…

A few days later, the words return… Slightly altered… “Someone is really bad mouthing you…”

Ah, so what?

The words return intermittently over the next few days and I decided that the only way to disappear them was to sit with them and see what comes… A face swam clearly into my mind… A face I’d not seen for what? 9 years? A face I’d been glad to not see.. A face that I’d seen more than enough of in the preceding 18 months or so… Seriously? Why this face? I don’t need to see this face again in this lifetime nor any future lifetimes… It was not a face erased from my memory but certainly a face I chose not to recall… And now here it was in my mind… Drifting out in the room before me… Looming large… Floating hologram… Oh… Go away… I tried to swipe it right like it was one of those images on screen in The Minority Report… It glided back to centre…

OK… Dish up… What do you want to say?

“Go to my business page!” the face grinned in sneering, self-satisfied smugness…

Pfft… Nah… No thanks…

“I’m not leaving until you do… You need to hear what I’ve got to say…”

Oh my word! They say curiosity killed the cat and maybe a time or so ago, I would have felt severely attacked by what I went on to read on Floating Head’s business page… But the current Karen as I am now, bellowed with laughter, then hit c+p to preserve for posterity and to also have a good deposit paid into the laughter bank.

Dear readers, I will not post those words here. Not because I care or don’t care what they say but because my sense of aethestics will not allow me to subject you to subliterate, incoherent, possibly psychotic, meltdown rantings…

You know I of all people love a good Rantra. This was not Rantra… This was flamethrowing ravings… Angry explosives trying to burn the reputations of everyone Floating Head has crossed paths with in the last 15 years… An outing of all the crazy New Agers out there…

I got quite a starring role, a good couple of lengthy paragraphs… Not directly named but with enough detail for anyone with any knowledge of local scenes to identify me…

It was quite a roll call… I laughed in wry amusement as I identified 5 possibly 6 other professionals who were being lambasted as frauds, phonies, etc.

These were people I know… Half of them people I know both sides of the story to and know the chaos and damage that Floating Head has launched their way repeatedly… Of course… Poor old Floating Head is always the victim! Always the innocent victim! The one chosen by Gods and Angels to suffer such injustices so they can save you mere lesser mortals from having to be subjected to New Age Evils…

I laughed until I cried at the part where they claimed I’d destroyed their business. That the energy that I had put out had killed every plant in their building within hours… OMG? What kind of energy is that?

Truth be known, none of my energy was put out into that building on the day I walked out for good. Returning home, the first thing I did was reel in all of my energy and cut the cords…

I’m not a believer of Karma in a way that I think a lot of people misbelieve in it… I am a believer, a great believer that people sew the seeds of their own destruction…

I didn’t feel the need to comment, correct… Nor defend myself… Seriously? Like I could do a better assassination than their monologue had done on themselves…

New Age… Oh… Too funny… New Age isn’t nor ever was my shtick…

My energy destroyed a business and killed every plant within hours…

Thanks! I’ll take that!

Yeah OK then! Yes! I did that! Guilty as charged!

One of my other beliefs in life is that you should never let the facts get in the way of a good story… So BRAVO! Bless you dear Floating Head, you’re turning me from a nobody boring old housewife into some kind of magic weilding badass! Priceless my love! Absolutely priceless… Thanks to you, I’m becoming the stuff of Legends! 🤣 Now THAT’S magic! Magic! Much much better than that New Age muck me duck…

(Though it is little vain of me? Should I be err… slightly flattered? that you’re still obsessed with me? Ah! Get a life! 🤣)