It shouldn’t happen to a Tarot reader… Five of my favourite questions…

As a Tarot reader, I get asked many many questions… and quite rightly so! After all, it does go with the territory…

But sometimes there are questions that are just too delicious for my imp to resist… And they get answered in ways people wouldn’t expect…

So… In no particular order, here are some of the gems I’ve been dealt over the past year…

1. Can you do me a Tarot reading but not use any tarot cards?

See this is probably my own fault as it seemed a good idea at the time to answer my business phone around 9pm on a Sunday evening…

The conversation went something like this:

Woman: I’ve just been on your website and I want a tarot reading, do you read Tarot?

Me: Yes… I read Tarot…

W: OK… I want a Tarot reading but I don’t want you to use cards. Can you do me a Tarot reading without cards?

M: Well, it’s not really a Tarot reading without cards… I also read with crystals, would you prefer a crystal reading?

W: No! I want a Tarot reading! But no cards and no crystals, no tools!

M: Why don’t you want tools?

W: They scare me… Can’t you just sit down and bring loads of dead people through to talk to me?

M: Bwahahahahahahaha!!!

W: Are you laughing at me? Why is that funny?

M: Oh! No tools, as that’s scary but loads of dead people! Like that’s not scary?

W: Look! Do you talk to dead people or not?

M: Dead people talk to me all the time…

W: So what’s your problem?

M: I don’t talk to them… I’m not freaking crazy!

She hung up! Go figure?

2. If I arrange for my husband to come to you for a reading, can you tell him we need to move house away from his family?

I said… I don’t even know where to begin in telling you what is wrong what that! That is just wrong on so many levels! NO! NO! NO! I WILL NOT!

She says – not even if I pay you double?

NO!!!!

Why not?

Ok… pay me double… If he comes of his own free will with his own questions, then I’ll talk to him… If I think you’ve forced him along, I’m going to tell him that you are shagging your boss… Still want to send him?

She booked him in for Hopi Ear Candling instead…

3. Can you come to my house and perform an exorcism?

This was an interesting one… I got left a very lengthy ramble on my answer phone along with demands to be rang back.

I thought -Bloody Hell!!! what part of being a Tarot reader makes people assume you trained with the Revs Merrin and Karras…?

A very unusual name was left… so I consulted the Google Oracle and the owner of the name had one of the strangest blogs I’ve ever come across…

So… I didn’t ring back… The thought of being alone in a house with a stranger… A stranger with a mind that is stranger than mine… mmm… that is scarier than any exorcism…

4. I’ve just come out as a witch 🙂 How did your family take it when you came out?

Ok… so this one I get asked frequently and it all depends on the mood you catch me in, as to which random rant you’ll get… So… I think I’ll save my favourite answers for maybe another day and just give you a general overview of why I find that odd…

My earliest memories are of sitting with a grandmother who was a medium and tea leaf reader… and ALSO a full blown uniform wearing member of the Salvation Army… So… I’ve never considered myself a witch, or religious, or anything else really… just a fusion of tea leaves and tambourines… And as to what I do… Isn’t it just what people do? What people have always done? Just what happens when people sit down at a kitchen table for a brew and a chat…?

5. Is it true that if you drop your Tarot, you let the Devil out?

I think…to date, this is my all time favourite!

I laughed like a drain and then it went a little bit like this…

They’re nothing but a pack of cards!!!

I flung the whole deck up in the air!

She shrieked and dived her head down to take cover… then slowly lifted it up and said to me… What have you done?

Just answered your question 😀 … I dropped my Tarot 😀 … I don’t see the Devil here… Do you?

She laughed…

I rounded up the cards and passed them over to her to shuffle…

OK… I said… We’re going to play a little game called The Treasure of the Stones… Shuffle the cards for as long as you like… then hold them just like this and then let them plop into 3 piles…

She followed my instruction and after the 3rd pile landed, she paused… she looked at me… she said… YOU B*ST*RD!!! You made me drop the cards!

I said I know…

Ain’t I a stinker?