When it comes to magical manifestations mine are mainly mishaps…
Some talk sweetly about The Secret or softly low on LOA,,,
I connect with the Cosmos in my own way… I like a direct line… I don’t wait for my call to be put on hold or be passed through lesser minions… No… I go straight to the top! Oi!!!! COSMOS!!!
I always figured that my old pal the Cosmos preferred LOL over LOA… as indeed, over the years… we have shared many a joke and my foot stamping demands have been met almost instantaneously and always within 24 hours…
Last week, I fired off a rant and yeah… just around 24 hours later it got an RSVP…
I got more than I bargained for a BOGOF and also a free lesson in mind your language! Your Tourette’s style venting can cause comical side effects…
So… it was half term and the kids were off and Woody decided to disappear… Now I didn’t think too much of that as Jeez… who can blame the cat… the noise! Man… I’d spent half the week myself wishing I was somewhere else… maybe a nice lighthouse somewhere…
The garden had been filled all week with neighbourhood kids and I don’t know why they head to my place as I am not a broody mare and I tolerate them for so long until I can tune out their noise no longer then I tell them all to sling their hooks and go home!!! But… still they come… So… yeah…. The Woodster going AWOL… I thought KUDOS pal! Give me a kitty high five!!!
Now Mr S on the other hand… he is prone to worrying and catastrophising… He bumbled about and mumbled…. Somebody has stolen him… That cat is way too friendly…. He likes people way to much… he is a naive, over trusting extrovert and he’ll go waltzing off with anyone…He didn’t come in this morning to annoy Bobzilla at feeding time… HE HAS GONE!!!
I said…. shhhh…Mr S… calm your tits! (I picked that up by osmosis from the back yard full of tweens, that I thought I was ignoring…) He’ll be back…
But the damage was done and the kids heard and now I had 3 pouty faces close to tears… MUM!!! Make it stop!! Say it isn’t true!!!
And before I knew it…
I put out a kitty call to the Cosmos…
OI!!! COSMOS!!! BRING BACK THE FURRY GINGER F***ER!!!
KIDS!!! Enough already!!! The deed is done!!!
And the following morning… Indeed the Woodster does return…
But… mmmm… funny… these fickle and recently heartbroken kids… suddenly are just not that fussed with him anymore…
I hear voices in the garden, much as they have been all week…. chitter chatter… and then I sniff a pitter patter…
What is that word you keep saying? Who are you talking too?
PROMETHEUS!!!
Pardon…
PROMETHEUS!!! He told us that his is name…
Send him… let me see… NO!! no no no…. That is not Prometheus… That is bitey drooly cat!!! OMG!!! Bitey drooly cat!!!
Bring him here!!! And he yes… it is he… less drooly, less bitey but still as highly vocal as I recall him…
Mum they asked, how do you know Prometheus?
Because… that is the furry ginger effer who was the stray cat that used to turn up at my friend’s house every time I used to visit her… At first I thought it was her cat… but no, it only showed up when I did and then he used to try and steal my lunch and then randomly bite me… I’ve not seen him for nearly 2 years … Ha!! an FGF!!! he and Woody both answer to it!!! Cheers Cosmos!! You SOooooooo FUNNY!!!
Mum… can he stay? Can he stay?
Well I need to interview him… I’m not too sure I trust him… he is of a questionable character, he smells like a sneak thief who purrs to get his paws under your food bowl then starts to claim your house as his own and next you know… he’ll be attacking the Woodster for stealing from him…
But him and Woody are friends they protested…
Yeah… see starving con artists view friends through different eyes to yours…
I picked up FGF2 and looked into his big orange eyes… he purred like he loved me like he loves no other…
Save it fur ball… I still recall your fangs… Right! Listen up… What’s your name? How do I know that I can trust you?
He held my gaze and swiveled one ear in the direction of the Woodster… See FGF1 over there? Him… who I call the cat word for Bell… well he calls me the cat word for Puddle…
So your name is Puddle?
No… My name amongst other cats is the CAT word for Puddle which you would not be able to pronounce…
OK smarty pants… what’s your real name? What shall I call you?
My real name was uttered just once and died on the lips of my Mother’s last gasp… a word never to be owned or uttered by mortals… You give a name that you choose…
Ok… let me smell you… Jeez… you funk like old sheds… where have you been sleeping?
I sleep in very many places…
Well then I shall call you Tommy Ten Sheds.
You can call me whatever you like if you’re filling my food bowl…
Ahem! You are yet to earn a food bowl… Round here we don’t like freeloaders… What’s your job?
I caught that mouse…
No… you did not… Woody nailed it first… Mouse slayer is taken… think of something else… Why should I let you stay?
Meh… because it’s raining outside and meh…. surely Miaow Casa es su Casa…
Miaow Casa es su Casa? Can I steal that you funny punny pussy?
Sure… it’s on the house…. Miaow Casa es su Casa…
And he gives a long slow wink and nuzzles his nose under my chin… How can you not love me old Mrs Potty Mouth… I thought you dabbled in Reiki…
Mmmm… You’re on purr-bation… After today…. Sir Woodster gets the casting vote… but…
Just for today… I will feed every cat…
The pure and blessed way 