Tarot Gigging Diaries… Missing deflections, diversions, and detours…

It shouldn’t happen to a tarot reader but it does… This evening, I go in search of an old video of me reading and eventually I find it, but not before I come across 3 little tales from one gig a couple of years ago in the Cotswolds where I was booked to read dressed as a fairy… Just bear that last part in mind ‘dressed as a fairy’ and that I drove to the gig wearing full glitter and glamour… Hold that image in mind when you get to tale 3 and my encounter with ‘Moses’.

1. A guy came over to my table introducing himself as a mind reader and saying that basically we both do the same trick. I say, do we? What’s that? He says that we are both cold readers. I say oh…really…
He says yes and says he can tell me my star sign… he starts by saying there is an R in it… I’m thinking gee whizz… that’s 9/12 signs… he goes on and misdiagnoses me as a Taurus, then says I’m not Leo or Gemini (well d’oh… obviously as I’ve already confirmed no R in there…) eventually he lands on Virgo…
Then he says he’s never had a tarot reading and so I get him to shuffle… I read his cards and he’s pretty taken aback and very puzzled… he says ok, how the hell are you doing that? You’re not cold reading, what’s the trick?
I say no trick…I just read the cards…
He spends several minutes trying to get me to reveal the secret. I stick by my guns… he’s increasingly frustrated and says oh you should add cold reading to your act, for example if you say you’ve recently moved job or house or you are considering it, then 80% of people will take that as a hit and believe you are psychic but there’s no such thing as psychics, it’s all tricks…
I say no… I don’t want to add cold reading to my work, when people come for a tarot reading they have no time for that nonsense… here, let me cold read you now… I see some pain in your past, you’re still holding on to an old love…
He squirms in his chair and says get your phone out… he says he specialises in finding people’s lucky numbers… he tells me to put my year of birth into calculator and then waffles on asking me to add various numbers then he mind reads my number and then smugly says that he’ll do my pin number next…
I say to him no you won’t because that’s not mind reading, it’s basic maths!
His jaw drops… oh my god!! I’ve done that trick on literally thousands of people and you are the only person ever to not buy into it and say that’s maths!
I laugh at him and say well that’s my trick, to say what I see…
He proceeds to inform me that the maths is not the trick but it’s the perfection of his script that carries the illusion…
I laugh and tell him I’m a tarot reading Virgo with a maths degree… what are the odds of that? Better luck next time with your cold reading…
He harrumphs and spins on his heel muttering about how he needs to get back as there’ll be crowds waiting for him… then he turns back and says I’m being offered a TV CONTRACT!
I say, yes, I know, I saw it in your cards and I also know you’ve been experiencing a lot of snags and delays with it…
He says look just stop it! Stop it! How are you doing that?!!!
I say… a mathmagician never tells…

2. I had another guy later come over with his trousers at half mast saying how excited he was to be getting a reading… I said easy tiger, it’s not exciting enough to merit taking your pants off… He swiftly apologised and said oh no… I’m not taking them off, I’m putting them back on, I’ve just had my bum glittered 🤣

3. An eventful night made even more interesting thanks to my wayward satnav app…
On the way, I was pondering on this relentless heat and wondering if Summer will ever end… Waze decided to reroute me down a road that was little more than a dirt track… I saw the 90degree bend ahead and slowed right down… it’s not the first time my satnav has taken me into a brake sharp situation, the last time there was a deer in the middle of the road. Today, I turn the corner into a big crowd of people. To my right I see a surly looking woman, there’s something odd going on and my brain is trying to work out why in this heat she has winter clothes on… then I realise I’ve just driven right into the middle of a film shoot and there is artificial snow everywhere… The director seems somewhat amused by my wtf face and even more amused when he clocks my outfit… He parts the crowd for me, gives me a big wink and waves me on.
On the way home, Waze decided to throw another random route change even though it’s clearly signposted that home lies straight ahead, Waze says go left… I go left as I quite enjoy these jaunts and wonder what I’ll see… I start to laugh as it takes me past the venue where I had my first big corporate booking… I was laughing as for some reason I had mentioned that gig earlier in the evening and told somebody about how I’d said something wildly inappropriate to the boss… tried my hardest to stop talking but words just kept spewing out… When I realised who she was, I was mortified… Turns out she was highly amused and gave me a ginormous tip…
I think I need to be careful what I’m thinking about when I use my satnav…. or check the settings to see if it’s set to go via things that make Karen laugh…