Defining Boundaries

Yesterday was a day put aside for play but rain put paid to that. Instead it turned into a good day’s work, with myself and C laying down the underpinning structure for our next project together. I guess that’s the thing when you decide you’re going to speak to Old Gods… They like to hold you to task when you least expect it…

Somewhere along the line, C asked me if I had a large sheet of paper… I drifted through my ramblings… She sat there patiently and eventually I got up and grabbed a book, a sketchbook that I’d squirreled away… There you go paper! She looked at me and I imagined her saying – oh, I didn’t think you’d heard me…

I open the book and out falls a pile of sketches. A few of them mine, but most of them not. It’s a stash of images from a course I did back in 2017. I laugh as I see my palm prints and remember the almost week long running battle I had with one of the tutors…

C asks me what’s so funny. I tell her my missing boundaries.

The palm prints were the result of some exercise. I forget the objective… The outcome was the nth time I’d upset the tutor. I vaguely remember the word auragraphs being used. I think the instruction was to draw your own hands and then read from your drawing. I clearly remember thinking that drawing hands is really bloody hard and time consuming… Hmmm… Let’s just colour my hands in and press them to page… So while the class had their heads down beavering away and producing detailed pictures, I was soft gazing into my chalky smudges and I involuntarily let out a small laugh.

The tutor spins on me and stands over me. What have you seen? I tell her, oh nothing I didn’t already know, I’m just hanging out with my Loki little finger. She asks what that is supposed to mean and I tell her it’s a palmistry thing. That annoys her as palmistry is too close to fortune telling and in the den of mediums, there’s zero tolerance on fortune telling as it doesn’t exist. By this point I’ve had 3 days of being sat at dining tables with mediums who have this whole schpeeling patter of how fortune telling is nonsense and people who say they can fortune tell are fakes… I hold off saying people who say fortune telling doesn’t work are people who can’t tell fortunes… Hmmm and I’ve probably got more evidence of results for that, than you’ve got for bringing through Casper and pals… And other spirits that don’t exist… But I keep my mouth shut as… Hmm… To keep the peace? To not upset other people? Nope… I keep my mouth shut, to prove to myself that I do have filters and I can stem the flow when I choose to…

Anyway… My palm prints… Tutor slams down and says no palmistry allowed! Then she points to the thumb on my right hand. Or more precisely, the big gap that’s there in place of the middle section. She tells me – You have no boundaries! You let anybody and everybody into your space…

I look at the beautifully defined left thumb and smirk… The rhs is the outer world, how other people see you… The lhs, the inner private world… Things that are only seen by people who really know you… I tell her she’s reading me wrong. She comes out with some crap about… Hmmm… Some crap, I don’t recall it now… I say oh OK then you’re right and I’m wrong, yeah… Now you point it out, you do know me better than I know me… This pleases her… She says OK Karen, now you need to colour in that gap on the page, filling in the missing area… That will fix the hole in your aura. What colour do you think needs to be there?

Oh! No colour! I know exactly what it needs… She watches me draw and asks me to explain. I tell her I’ve left the space open but I’ve roped it off as a vip area and there’s a bouncer of a no entry sign. Yup a nice clear sign that you’re not welcome here! Get out of my space! My deliberate insult flies right over her head and she again insists I should fill in the gap… I tell her my guide says NO. She wants to know my guide’s name (I guess that she rightly suspects that I’m making that up) . I tell her that if she was on the list for my vip area then she’d already know… She tells me there are other people in the class and that I should stop wasting her time…

Looking again at my prints this morning, I get my palmistry head on and I have zero problem with my thumb gap… I have a long thumb, it’s a stubborn wilful thumb… The missing section is where logic lives… My lhs has logic enough, I don’t need to display my logic… My thumb bends backwards… I smile at my natural obtuseness… Also it’s an artist’s thumb, so again, I’m happy to lose the logic… I look again at my cordon and keep out sign. That pleases my Loki little finger immensely… When it comes to keep out signs, there are 3 kinds of people. People who observe and follow the rules… That’s OK… People who ignore the rules and barge through anyway… That’s not OK but is OK because you’ve just come into my world and you’re gonna get schooled eventually and booted out… Then the 3rd kind who I really like… They see the sign, they see the gap, they spot a loophole … They can talk their way into my space by bringing bright ideas and by also knowing they’re not going to change my stubborn ways of doing things…

The problem I have with that hand print is the middle finger ruled by Saturn… It’s weak… Almost missing… People see me as having no discipline or as being someone who easily bows down to authority… Again they read me wrong… The lhs has a much more up yours feel about it…

Anyway, I decide to experiment this morning to see if my amending of original prints did change anything…

OK… It’s slightly messy as paper wouldn’t grip the chalk on first attempt so then I sprayed my hands with water… Mr S chimed in – You’re trashing the living room again! I bet you were one of those kids at school who really loved arts & crafts… I said no! I fucking hated it! I was always getting told off for being too messy…

Anyway… In both sets of prints, my colours were chosen blindly, so I’m amused that I’m managed to flip the colours… I smile at my rhs and am delighted to see the big ole thumb gap absent and present… And the Loki little finger still alive and kicking. My ring finger ruled by Apollo, that’s strengthened it’s presence, which pleases my birthcard identity of Wheel of Fortune & Magician with hidden Sun… But the Saturn middle finger is very clear to see… I don’t need to draw ropes and put up no entry signs… Saturn has muscled up and is on the door… And dressed in blue too! A voice of authority…

Now my lhs… Well you know what… Ah fuck you 🤣 that stuff’s private, if you want to know then you’ll have to Loki lockpick and talk your way in bearing in mind that if I don’t like your manners, I have two good hands to slap you with…