Images (c) Jordan Hoggard 2010
When it comes to Family of Origin vs Family of Choice… I think I’ve made my preference more than clear in Confessions of an Elective Orphan…
Though as a brief summary…. well I’ve said this before and I’m sure I’ll say it again…
Blood may be thicker than water…
But which would you rather swim in…
Yes… I’m firmly in the Family of Choice camp…
One thing I’ve realised over the last few years, is that when you’ve grown up in an abusive environment, the abuse lasts well beyond leaving that environment… Abuse is an insidious disease and leaves you exposed…
Where other people have learnt about healthy boundaries, you have a very skewed view of what constitutes normal…
But eventually you get to the point where you’ve decided that it’s Time for some Foxy Fencing…
I used to be slow to burn bridges with people as I know that once I decide something… I do not turn back…
You will cease to exist in my universe…
You will be firmly placed into the EX FILES…
Never to be seen or heard again…
Harsh?
No… I don’t think so… though these days I keep a mental check list of red flags and fewer people are placed into the Ex files as they don’t make it past the bouncer and into my V.I.P. area in the first place…
Forgiveness and Reconciliation?
Forgiveness is superfluous…
Reconciliation…
Well I’ll make peace with me… and you make peace with you…
Forgive and Forget…
Forgive… see above…
Forget… NEVER!!!
Learn… adapt… and move on…
How do I find my peace… well I write and that indeed does allow me to reconcile and bring peace to myself on many things… including being able to Throw Momma From My Brain…
Yes… pretty much everything winds up in my writing in some shape or form eventually…
What’s that quote that goes around…
The pure and blessed way 
I love that comment you left us with at the end. You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write nice things about them they should have behaved better. Great! I find writing very therapeutic and healing. It’s a great way of releasing emotions and really works for me. I was very lucky in that I had a fairly harmonious upbringing, it wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t awful either. I love my parents, and although they don’t get me at all, that’s fine. However, I completely agree with you, and if someone, no matter who they are, has treated you badly just because they’re family doesn’t get them a get out of jail free card. Our chosen friends say more about us than the family we happen to have been born into. They may have things to teach us, maybe they don’t, whatever, it’s our choice in friends that’s more important. Blessings to you, Andrea
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Blessings to you Andrea 🙂 Yes indeed… Get out of jail free cards have no place outside a game of Monopoly… Luckily we get to choose our friends 😉
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I write about everything and it works powerfully in all sorts of ways. Some of what I write makes it into the public domain but a whole lot doesn’t. Sometimes I need the freedom to know that no-one will read what I have written, at least for the moment. Your post made me think about exes in terms of romantic relationships. I get on well with both my ex husbands and my other ex from a shorter serious relationship. But with my latest ex from this year it has been a matter of having to cut off completely, even though we have mutual friends and live quite close. You clarified for me that I don’t have to justify this or even understand it. If it’s right, it’s right. Thank you.
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You’re welcome! No there is no need to justify and right is what right is 😉
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I am far more comfortable with my family of choice over my family of origin. They weren’t bad relationships, just nothing in common.
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🙂 just nothing in common is surprisingly common…
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Thank you for honoring yourself! I bet you’re an amazing parent. 🙂
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Well… My kids call me The Kraken and my husband calls me Queen of the Harpies… Luckily we all share the same sense of hunour and it’s meant as terms of endearment! 😀 I don’t know if I’m an amazing parent but I manage to end the day with the same number of kids I started the day with… Which is what I call a success… 😉
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I certainly get the abuse thing, been there done that. Kudos to you for taking control of your life and doing what’s right for you!
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And kudos to you too Renee 🙂
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