Everyone’s a winner!

Old news already!

Forget what I said this morning. By this evening, the whole world of exam results has been put to right!

Now this morning, the official line was that an algorithm had been used to standardise results across the country so an A* from one school equated an A* from another. Hmm… Makes sense… The algorithm used was decided after much deliberation to be the fairest method possible. Take note of the word ‘possible’. Much emphasis was placed on this word. The method has to be fair but NO system is entirely fair so we use the best possible fairness alongside an appeals system. Now the appeals system looks at predicted grades, mock results and the pleading of mitigating circumstances. Yeah… That sounds pretty fair to me…

Now the appeals system has 3 possible outcomes… You get the grade boost (hurrah!), there’s no change (it’s not fair!) or shock horror… Your grade could drop even lower… (Boo! NOT FAIR! Boooo hoo hoo!)

Unsurprisingly all these super bright students who didn’t get their grades worked out pretty quickly that the odds of getting upgraded are not as favourable as they’d like i.e. No guarantee of a win.

I don’t know… That sounds pretty fair to me…

But then I’m not awaiting grades nor am I helicopter parenting my offspring and getting angry that disappointment is hanging in the air ready to land…

I don’t mind disappointment… To be fair though, I’m rarely disappointed… I’ve been blessed in life with low expectations! I brush most things off with a shrug… That being said, there have been two major disappointments in my life. Windsurfing! Fuck me! Worst day of my life. Every so often I get these crazy ideas that something will be fun… Yup, I decided windsurfing would be the best thing ever. I was very excited, spent weeks talking a reticent Mr S into coming with me. I booked and spent weeks before hand at the gym building up upper body strength as I’d been tipped off that it’s hard work on the arms. Come the day… I bloody hated it! Just the whole sensation of being on water… Made worse by the fact there was zero wind… Further worsened by Mr S having the time of his life so I had to stay all day. Now Sutton Hoo, that was another let down. For years and years Mr S said he wanted to go and see the famous belt buckle. Guess what? When we go, it’s been moved elsewhere. There’s other cool stuff so not a complete loss but it lingers on as a bad memory due to the overwhelming stench. Walking out towards the burial mound, the air hung thick with an odour… How do I put this politely? Oh, I don’t! The whole place smells like spunk. Oh well now I know what Linden trees smell like…

Where was I? Ah, exam results. This evening, the news comes on the radio, some snivelling minister sounding close to tears.

We realise after how upset so many students and parents have been that the algorithm we used as the fairset possible means is not fair, so we’re going to use teacher’s predictions. Wtf? Seriously you ditched the fair as possible algorithm in the name of fairness? Or was it to avoid the oncoming deluge of appeals? What I want to know is, is there an appeal process to argue against teacher’s predictions? See under that system I would have been screwed. At the age of 6? I was written off as being unteachable (possibly a fair comment) and as someone who would never be able to read… Obviously I can evidence that that is bollocks. I can’t remember a time when I couldn’t read… I always had my nose in a book. I’d read Alice in Wonderland several times by myself before I’d even started school. Age 6? the teacher I had decided to assess me. They stood me in front of the wall lined with alphabet cards, pointing to the first one asking what does this say?


No… Try again


No… It’s ah. This one?


No… Try again

B it’s B!

No… Bu say Bu…


This one?


I knew full well the alphabet A through Z but C to Z I shrugged and pleaded ignorance, confused that I had a teacher who didn’t know how to read properly…

The parents were called in, I alongside them. It’s maybe the one and only time I ever saw them united. She can read! She never stops!

The teacher turned to me – so why won’t you read?

Your books are boring.

What do you want to read?

Your book.

Guffaw of laughter from the teacher who sneered as he said – If you can read one whole page, you can have my book.

I left with book. I don’t remember what the book was called other than it had a green cover. It was a pretty dull book… I guess you are what you read…

Anyway… Fuck education!

There’s other mockdown news in Leicester

Omg! I’ve just realised I’ve got the mind of a predicted A* student! Eureka! I know how to solve this!

It’s not fair!

It’s not fair!

It’s not fair!


Nah… Fuck that! It’s too peopley out there… 🤣

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