Waxtober 14

I guess the first thing I noticed about today’s waxing was the shift in tone. Yesterday’s was a greyish black and the previous pieces have all been quite muted colours in comparison to colours that I would consider to be more my kind of colours… I’d be hard pressed to tell you exactly which my favourite colour is but certainly the colours today are amongst those that please me best. I like the shape that’s reminiscent of a butterfly’s wing… I like the shape up in the right hand corner that has a mask like feel to it… like something removed to reveal the emerging (cloud in the blue) shape of a new face appearing… I have many thoughts about this image, a lot of which I’ve already written about here and there, and which I don’t much feel like writing about today…

Nine years ago today, I stood on the pavement outside of my front gate wandering exactly what had just happened? I had no idea how I’d got from where I was a split second earlier. It was almost as though some invisble hand had lifted me up and placed me down out of harm’s way. I wondered how I was alive, how I had escaped serious injury, how I was physically unscathed by what had just happened… It all defied logic and if it had not been for witnesses then I would easily have dismissed it as being something that I had imagined… It was insane! Though the one thing I did know for sure was that I was never going to allow that to happen to me again… Nine years ago today, was the last time that I saw my mother… The last time I looked her in the eye… A day that was obviously not my day to die… But a day that that relationship would be terminated forever.

Nine years on and I feel like that story belongs to someone else… Or that maybe it was just a dream… I remember laughing 2 years ago as I thought about that saying that over 7 years, every cell is your body is replaced by a new cell. It’s not strictly true…but I like the idea anyway. I remember thinking cool 7 years, I am a whole other person to the person I was then and I and my cells are untouched by that day and all the years beforehand…

I looked at my waxing and wondered what’s the after effect of that day? What changes did it bring… Mr S walked by and peered over my shoulder… Oh! It’s the tarnhelm! I tell him, if you say so… though I quite like the reference to the magical helmet, used as a cloak of invisiblity and also as something that allows one to change form… That kind of takes me back to the butterfly wing I saw and I think how although it’s not there now, there would have been a chrysalis… the chrysalis… an organic tarnhelm crafted by a caterpillar…

Anyway, as I’m pondering on that thought, I wonder about how I have changed over the last 9 years… what’s been transforming? I suddenly remembered a deck that I’ve not used for a good while and so I dig it out and pull out cards that vibe with my waxing… Maybe that’s what’s been happening…?