Waxtober 24

Today’s waxing has me thinking on what is love? As a word, I think it’s become overused in some contexts to the point of being meaningless… I mean, the chair that I’m sat in to write this is pretty good but if I say I love my chair do I really love it… I think about the way the word is used… Sometimes we say may say I love you but is it a kind of selfish love that is more about the feelings and thoughts we have about ourselves when with other people. Is I love you, shorthand for I love the way I feel when you’re around? Does that way of loving really see the other person for who they are and the characterstics that they have?

This morning I picked up my first passenger. He walked towards the car with a big easy smile and when I asked him how the night shift went, he smiled even bigger and told me that it was like finding himself landed in hell… I smiled back at him – And you’re still smiling? He nodded… Yeah, I had an awful resident, I had to have a little talk with myself – No, don’t kill him… you don’t really want to do that… He’s ill and he’s old and he needs extra care with a smile…

This had me thinking more broadly about the carers who I move around… Big hearted people doing a literally shitty job. It saddens me that there’s an attitude out there that carers are unskilled and uneducated… That’s an absolute nonsense! That’s a myth that needs busting…

I spent my morning observing the interactions between my passengers and the little courtesies and small acts of kindness that they extend towards and between each other… No grand gestures… just ripples of tiny niceties… I smile and think that the microcosm inside my Galaxy is a good place to be… I love these people, it feels good to be around them but more so I LOVE these people as they work with grace and good humour doing a job that most people do not want to do… When I make detours for these people, sometimes, it is because I like them but mostly it’s out of respect for the job that they do and that if I can do something small to make their day a little better than why wouldn’t I do that?

Being amongst carers reminds me that it’s easy to love the easily lovable… To be able to find loving feelings towards people who make us feel less than loving…to be able to put our own feelings aside for the sake of somebody else’s, that’s an altrusitic act. That’s love expressed through deeds not words…

Just before I wrote this, I was sat in the same room as Mr S… Some days he can annoy the living fuck out of me just by his very existence and I’m pretty sure that there are many times he could say the same about me… I look over at him and think wtf are you wearing? I smile and don’t try to make him change, much as he this morning noticed my attire and said oh my… you’re going to work dressed like that? I feel a warm glow as I think about how we’ve managed to co-exist under the same roof for 30 years without killing each other… Is that big LOVE? The ability to repress the urge to kill… the ability to sigh and oh ok… that’s the way you are and I accept that… I look over again at my better half… I notice he’s writing… I ask him to read to me. He says, he will, if I don’t rip the piss. I promise that I won’t mock him and so he offers up his words. He says… go on then, laugh! I ask him why would I do that? I’m happy that he’s writing… Then I ask if I can steal his words, as they go rather well with my waxing…

How easy it is to let inner conflict become our master. With dedication we can learn to break free and discover our true selves. So many of us have great potential masked by suffering. Let us, from today, understand and progress.

Rev Mark Sealey ULCM

You know what? I think he might be a keeper…